community service.... church style!

so i'm doing my community service... (long-ish story. i got a DUI back in October and am dealing with the fallout). the one place that i was accepted for community service was a church. it's going well. it's just major flashback city is all.
i clean bathrooms... set up chairs... vacuum like a mother fucker.... windows... etc..
i had to dig out the ipod from where it was buried (i don't use it that much anymore... and it's only 1 gig... i mean really, 123 songs... come on now!)
so i have to find ways of amusing myself during all this....
picture this if you will: i'm cleaning away, either vacuuming or doing bathrooms, and i have my headphones on... now my taste in music is all across the boards... well the song that comes on is "don't rain on my parade" by barbara streisand (i'm not THAT gay i just like a few of her songs is all, and i really like that one)... so i'm doing my cleaning thing, that comes on, and i belt it out. i don't know if anyone has heard me, but i'm not too worried either.
also there have been a few other songs that are a hoot to sing (yeah, i said HOOT, so sue me!):
"losing my religion" was fun, "like a prayer", don't have "dear god" on the ipod (i should add it).
after a few days i was asked what i was afraid was going to come. when i first called to hook myself up with the community service i had mentioned that my sister and family go to that church (which is completely true). i figured that was the end of it. i kind of want this to be a don't ask don't tell thing till i'm done... then i'll tell from here to kingdom come.
the guy i'm working with (he's some sort of director type person) asks me "so, i know you said your sister and her family come here... but i don't know what your background is or where you're attending."
insert a gulp and obscenely long pause...
"well i WAS raised baptist. went to christian school, and christian camp. don't really go anywhere now. last time i went to church was about a year ago to a catholic church for a funeral."
he just kinda looked at me for a bit. i think some people don't really know what to think of me or how to respond to some of the things i say. oh well!
then he says, "well you ought to think about coming some sunday."
i just did the whole "thanks. i will."
i shall think about it all day long but that doesn't mean i will. i might just cause they were nice enough to help me get all my hours and everything.
i have nothing against religion, it's just that whole "love the sinner hate the sin" part.
i was actually told on a number of occasions that "it's ok to be gay it's just not ok to act on it"
ummmm WHAT?!?
so i can think about fucking guys i just can't actually fuck them (or to be fair can't be fucked by them either.. cause i'm versatile and all. or was, but that's another story. haven't bottomed in years).
i just always feel so itchy in church.
i did manage to take some camera phone pics... some things i just found odd and had to share.
there was a soccer ball foam thing and it said "jesus is king" and apparently he loves soccer.
also there were classrooms that each had a cutesy name and one made me cackle. it said "rainbow chasers"
another classroom had a banner telling folks to get on the glory train and "jump on board for jesus"
and then there were the midget/little kids rooms with baby itty bitty tiny toilets, and the crazy hostage table for little critters.
i just remember the year before i came out to the south and about 2 years before my mom died, we grew closer and were able to joke about things. she accepted me in her own way. i would tell her i was going to the gay bar and she'd say "bring me back a lesbian!"
i should have just to see what she would have said.
i have such mixed feelings about the church and i'm sure could write an entire book on that subject.
i also remember my mother leaving pamphlets outside my bedroom door on those ex-gay places. she was just trying to help in her own way. i flat out refused and gave them back to her telling her in a kind way that she was crazy.
we used to have so many heated talks about religion.
when i moved out here to be with the ex, i told her "neither you, god, or anyone is going to tell me who i'm going to love!"
i believed that then and still do.

i leave you with the photos... by taking fun pics and singing gay songs i feel like i can make this experience my own. and i think god (or the goddess, buddha, alah, jehova, krishna, vishnu, etc.) is smiling with me. after all, they may say it all the time but not really believe or practice it.... GOD IS LOVE (and loves ALL of us too!)
-N